As most of you know already, I have made the choice to move back to Minnesota. This was not an easy choice, but one that I feel is best for me and Dakota. There are many, many reasons why I made this choice, but only two that I took into great consideration.....Dakota is not happy here!
Dakota misses his Gigi & Grandpa very much & has many friends in MN that he will be able to play in the neighborhood with. What I didn't realize is just how many friendships both him and I had made while we where there. I also miss my mom & dad. If going back to MN is what is going to make Dakota happy then I am more than willing to put my dreams aside for the time being.
Another important reason I am leaving is because I have yet to find a job here. I have applied for many openings and gotten a decent amount of interviews as well, but alas nothing seemed to stick. I have already aquired a job in MN when I get back, so already things there are looking up :)
We have been here now for five months and have been through so much! I have lost a couple friends along the way. One loss over a someone I thought had my best interests in mind, but found that she was just another one of those back stabbing women who likes nothing more than to stick her nose in other people's drama (even though she has plenty of her own drama under the roof of her own home & with her own family) & another over an issue that wasn't handled correctly or considerately by her & was more or less her deciding not to have me as a friend anymore without my knowledge (I found out later on), but am grateful for the losses because I have learned that I don't need the extra drama or the stress of being a certain kind of friend to one friend & a different kind of friend to another based on their needs. I am who I am, deal with it! More importantly I have made a ton of new friends in the process, which I am also grateful for. I have learned/realized (you will hear that word being used a lot in this post) many things along my journey here and have grown so much as a person.
I am going back to MN with a new attitude. When I moved to MN the first time back in 2004 I didn't want to leave what I had known all my life in NC. I got there and I hated it, but what I realize now as I prepare to go back, is that I didn't mind it so much after all. Yes the weather gets frightfully cold at times & yes the beach isn't 3 hours away, but it too has it's good qualities.
I am young enough that later on in life I can live my dream. And what I realized is that living in Charlotte is not my dream. I don't miss Charlotte! What I missed was the beach & I will continue to miss it while living in MN, but I can always go back and visit until one day I am able to live there! :)
I am grateful that God granted me the opportunity to come back to NC and revisit some old places and see many old friends, but I am also grateful to God that he has made me realize that this is not the path I am meant to be on right now.
I made a choice to take a chance on something which brought me down here & I now have made a choice to go back & I am okay with my decision!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
What Drives Your Life? (part 2)
"There are 5 great benefits of living a purpose-driven life:"
- "Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life. We were made to have meaning. Without God, life has no purpose, and without purpose, life has no meaning. Without meaning, life has no significance or hope."
"God says, "I know what I am planning for you....'I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future."
- "Knowing your purpose simplifies your life. It defines what you do and what you don't do. Without clear purpose you have no foundation on which you base decisions, allocate your time, and use your resources. You will tend to make choices based on circumstances, pressures, and your mood at that moment. People who don't know their purpose try to do too much - and that causes stress, fatigue, and conflict."
- "Knowing your purpose focuses your life. It concentrates your effort and energy on what's important. You become effective by being selective. Without a clear purpose, you will keep changing directions, jobs, relationships, churches, or other externals - hoping each change will settle the confusion or fill the emptiness in your heart."
- "Knowing your purpose motivates your life. Purpose always produces passion. Nothing energizes like a clear purpose."
- "Knowing your purpose prepares you for eternity. Many people spend their lives trying to create a lasting legacy on earth. They want to be remembered why they're gone. Yet, what ultimately matters most will not be what others say about your life but what God says. What people fail to realize is that all achievements are eventually surpassed, records are broken, reputations fade, and tributes are forgotten. Living to create an earthly legacy is a short-sighted goal. A wiser use of time is to build an eternal legacy."
"One day you will stand before God, and he will do an audit of your life, a final exam, before you enter eternity. God will ask you two crucial questions:"
"What did you do with my Son, Jesus Christ? God won't ask about your religious background or doctrinal views. The only thing that will matter is, did you accept what Jesus did for you and did you learn to love and trust him?"
"What did you do with what I gave you? What did you do with your life - all the gifts, talents, opportunities, energy, relationships, and resources God gave you? Did you spend them on yourself, or did you use them for the purposes God made you for?"
Point to Ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace.
Verse to Remember: "You LORD, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." Isaiah 26:3 (TEV)"
Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it do be?
Everything you just read came from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
- "Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life. We were made to have meaning. Without God, life has no purpose, and without purpose, life has no meaning. Without meaning, life has no significance or hope."
"God says, "I know what I am planning for you....'I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future."
- "Knowing your purpose simplifies your life. It defines what you do and what you don't do. Without clear purpose you have no foundation on which you base decisions, allocate your time, and use your resources. You will tend to make choices based on circumstances, pressures, and your mood at that moment. People who don't know their purpose try to do too much - and that causes stress, fatigue, and conflict."
- "Knowing your purpose focuses your life. It concentrates your effort and energy on what's important. You become effective by being selective. Without a clear purpose, you will keep changing directions, jobs, relationships, churches, or other externals - hoping each change will settle the confusion or fill the emptiness in your heart."
- "Knowing your purpose motivates your life. Purpose always produces passion. Nothing energizes like a clear purpose."
- "Knowing your purpose prepares you for eternity. Many people spend their lives trying to create a lasting legacy on earth. They want to be remembered why they're gone. Yet, what ultimately matters most will not be what others say about your life but what God says. What people fail to realize is that all achievements are eventually surpassed, records are broken, reputations fade, and tributes are forgotten. Living to create an earthly legacy is a short-sighted goal. A wiser use of time is to build an eternal legacy."
"One day you will stand before God, and he will do an audit of your life, a final exam, before you enter eternity. God will ask you two crucial questions:"
"What did you do with my Son, Jesus Christ? God won't ask about your religious background or doctrinal views. The only thing that will matter is, did you accept what Jesus did for you and did you learn to love and trust him?"
"What did you do with what I gave you? What did you do with your life - all the gifts, talents, opportunities, energy, relationships, and resources God gave you? Did you spend them on yourself, or did you use them for the purposes God made you for?"
Point to Ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace.
Verse to Remember: "You LORD, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." Isaiah 26:3 (TEV)"
Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it do be?
Everything you just read came from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
What Drives Your Life? (part 1)
"Everyone's life is driven by something."
"What is the driving force in your life?"
"Many people are driven by guilt. They spend their entire lives running from regrets and hiding their shame. Guilt-driven people are manipulated by memories. They allow their past to control their future. They often unconsciously punish themselves sabotaging their own success."
"Many people are driven by resentment and anger. They hold on to hurts and never get over them. Instead of releasing their pain through forgiveness, they rehearse it over and over in their minds. Some resentment-driven people "clam up" and internalize their anger, while others "blow up" and explode it onto others."
"Many people are driven by fear. Their fears may be a result of a traumatic experience, unrealistic expectations, growing up in a high-control home, or even genetic predisposition. Regardless of the cause, fear-driven people often miss great opportunities because they're afraid to venture out. Instead they play it safe, avoiding risks and trying to maintain the status quo."
"Many people are driven by materialism. Their desire to acquire becomes the whole goal of their lives. This drive to always want more is based on the misconceptions that having more will make me more happy, more important, and more secure, but all three ideas are untrue. Possessions only provide temporary happiness. Because things do not change, we eventually become bored with them and then want newer, bigger, better versions."
"Many people are driven by the need for approval. They allow the expectations of parents or spouses or children or teachers or friends to control their lives. Many adults are still trying to earn the approval of unpleasable parents. Others are driven by peer pressure, always worried by what others might think. Unfortunately, those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it."
Everything you just read came from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
"What is the driving force in your life?"
"Many people are driven by guilt. They spend their entire lives running from regrets and hiding their shame. Guilt-driven people are manipulated by memories. They allow their past to control their future. They often unconsciously punish themselves sabotaging their own success."
"Many people are driven by resentment and anger. They hold on to hurts and never get over them. Instead of releasing their pain through forgiveness, they rehearse it over and over in their minds. Some resentment-driven people "clam up" and internalize their anger, while others "blow up" and explode it onto others."
"Many people are driven by fear. Their fears may be a result of a traumatic experience, unrealistic expectations, growing up in a high-control home, or even genetic predisposition. Regardless of the cause, fear-driven people often miss great opportunities because they're afraid to venture out. Instead they play it safe, avoiding risks and trying to maintain the status quo."
"Many people are driven by materialism. Their desire to acquire becomes the whole goal of their lives. This drive to always want more is based on the misconceptions that having more will make me more happy, more important, and more secure, but all three ideas are untrue. Possessions only provide temporary happiness. Because things do not change, we eventually become bored with them and then want newer, bigger, better versions."
"Many people are driven by the need for approval. They allow the expectations of parents or spouses or children or teachers or friends to control their lives. Many adults are still trying to earn the approval of unpleasable parents. Others are driven by peer pressure, always worried by what others might think. Unfortunately, those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it."
Everything you just read came from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
Poem by Russel Kelfer
You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
Torn...
I am so torn over what to do! I have a pro/con list that doesn't seem to be helping me make a decision on whether or not to stay in SC or to just go back to MN. There is no easy answer. I have been praying that the right choice will just come to me, but so far I don't get that one way is better than the other. It would be easier to move back to MN. Plus I would have my family, but I was never happy there. Seven years & I still didn't like it. Now I am realizing that over all it wasn't totally bad. But at the same time, is it welcoming enough to move back? See, torn.....
It's also more complicated because there are things here that could add so much to my life. People that could brighten it and make things complete for me as well as for them (potentially). I don't want to leave that yet without having given it the time that I think it deserves. The time that him and I deserve to learn and see what happens together. After 17 years of knowing him, I think I owe myself (and him) that much at least.I honestly don't know what to do still.....I suppose I just need to give it a little more time. Enjoy the time I have with the people who are honest, true and humble here and see what happens. It's so hard to give it all to God and try not to worry about it. I suppose the outcome is what it is, if I have a job in 3/4 weeks then I can stay if not then I go back.
But I am so torn, cause I really am not sure that going back to MN is the thing for me to do!
Torn, torn, torn.......
Monday, September 26, 2011
You Are Not an Accident
"Your life is no fluke of nature."
"The Bible says, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!"
"While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children."
"But there is a God who made you for a reason, and your life has profound meaning! We discover that meaning and purpose only when we make God the reference point of our lives."
"The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us."
Point to ponder: I am not an accident.
Verse to Remember: "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isaiah 44:2 (CEV)
Question to Consider: I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?
Everything you just read is from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
"The Bible says, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!"
"While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children."
"But there is a God who made you for a reason, and your life has profound meaning! We discover that meaning and purpose only when we make God the reference point of our lives."
"The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us."
Point to ponder: I am not an accident.
Verse to Remember: "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isaiah 44:2 (CEV)
Question to Consider: I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?
Everything you just read is from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
Sunday, September 25, 2011
What On Earth Am I Here For?
"A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree." Proverbs II:28 (Msg)
"The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It's far greater than your family, your career, or even your own wildest dreams and ambitions."
"We as self-centered questions like What do I want to be? What should I do with my life? What are my goals, my ambitions, my dreams for my future? But focusing on ourselves will never reveal our life's purpose."
"You exist only because God wills that you exist."
"But being successful and fulfilling your life's purpose are not at all the same issue! You could reach all your personal goals, becoming a raving success by the world's standard, and still miss the purposes for which God created you."
"You were made by God and for God - and until you understand that, life will never make sense."
Point to Ponder: It's not about me.
Verse to Remember: "Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." Colossians 1:16b (Msg)
Question to Consider: "In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?"
Everything you just read is from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
"The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It's far greater than your family, your career, or even your own wildest dreams and ambitions."
"We as self-centered questions like What do I want to be? What should I do with my life? What are my goals, my ambitions, my dreams for my future? But focusing on ourselves will never reveal our life's purpose."
"You exist only because God wills that you exist."
"But being successful and fulfilling your life's purpose are not at all the same issue! You could reach all your personal goals, becoming a raving success by the world's standard, and still miss the purposes for which God created you."
"You were made by God and for God - and until you understand that, life will never make sense."
Point to Ponder: It's not about me.
Verse to Remember: "Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." Colossians 1:16b (Msg)
Question to Consider: "In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?"
Everything you just read is from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Starting Over....
What does "starting over" mean exactly? What do I want? Do I really want to do it? Can I even do it? Do I stay or do I go? How long do I stay before I decide to go? Who are my true friends? Can I really trust anyone?
All these questions keep running through my head every day! This is not a post about the details regarding the break -up between me and Sabby, I will not talk about it anymore to anyone! I have now been here a total of 2 months, 1 week, and 5 days and what have I accomplished since I got here? I have moved in, moved out, moved in somewhere else, lost a "best friend" who stabbed me in the back, and am tryin' my hardest to just keep it together day by day and not fall apart. Will my life EVER get back on track?
I now have some decisions to make....and I feel like my head is buzzing with things and I can't focus on just one! Why did God bring me back here, if this is what life would be about? What is my reason for being here? How am I supposed to know what to do and what direction to go? Will He guide me or am I as alone as I feel? Do I really want to go back to MN? Would it even be fair to myself to not give SC a chance?
Ugh! I can't answer a single one of these questions and I really can't stand not having the answers. As I try and figure things out slowly, I will try and put my faith and trust in God and give my problems to Him. As He is truly the only one that knows what is best for me and for Dakota and if these are the cards that I have been dealt, then all I can do is use what I got!
But oh my is that hard to do!
All these questions keep running through my head every day! This is not a post about the details regarding the break -up between me and Sabby, I will not talk about it anymore to anyone! I have now been here a total of 2 months, 1 week, and 5 days and what have I accomplished since I got here? I have moved in, moved out, moved in somewhere else, lost a "best friend" who stabbed me in the back, and am tryin' my hardest to just keep it together day by day and not fall apart. Will my life EVER get back on track?
I now have some decisions to make....and I feel like my head is buzzing with things and I can't focus on just one! Why did God bring me back here, if this is what life would be about? What is my reason for being here? How am I supposed to know what to do and what direction to go? Will He guide me or am I as alone as I feel? Do I really want to go back to MN? Would it even be fair to myself to not give SC a chance?
Ugh! I can't answer a single one of these questions and I really can't stand not having the answers. As I try and figure things out slowly, I will try and put my faith and trust in God and give my problems to Him. As He is truly the only one that knows what is best for me and for Dakota and if these are the cards that I have been dealt, then all I can do is use what I got!
But oh my is that hard to do!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
How Did My Mother Do It?
All those years growing up, she planted flowers and bushes and grew gardens. She not only did that but she managed to keep everything alive and looking great! I realized today just how freakin' hard it is to take care of things in your yard!
I had planned for the bushes in the front of the house to just get a quick trim. Two hours later I was finally done! Eight bushes and a few plants that needed maintaining and then I had to clean all my mess up, ugh! Granted now this was the first time I attempted to make the front yard pretty, but overall I think I did a good job, but man am I tired. Oh and in the process of doing all this work, we have a baby snake, a black widow & a very large wolf spider living in our landscaping. How do I know this? I saw all three this morning!
My mom deserves so much credit that I never gave her for maintaining that HUGE yard I had as a child growing up. It is really hard work! Anyway, this is the final outcome:
What do you think?
I had planned for the bushes in the front of the house to just get a quick trim. Two hours later I was finally done! Eight bushes and a few plants that needed maintaining and then I had to clean all my mess up, ugh! Granted now this was the first time I attempted to make the front yard pretty, but overall I think I did a good job, but man am I tired. Oh and in the process of doing all this work, we have a baby snake, a black widow & a very large wolf spider living in our landscaping. How do I know this? I saw all three this morning!
My mom deserves so much credit that I never gave her for maintaining that HUGE yard I had as a child growing up. It is really hard work! Anyway, this is the final outcome:
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
My Book List for 2011 - update!
My Goal is 30 for the year:
Here we go:
~ The Lady in the Tower (The Fall of Anne Boleyn) - Alison Weir~ The House - Danielle Steel
~ Lost Voices from the Titanic - Nick Barratt
~ A Child Called "It" - Dave Pelzer
~ Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston
~ A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 1 (The Bad Beginning) - Lemony Snicket
~ A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 2 (The Reptile Room) - Lemony Snicket
~ A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 3 (The Wide Window) - Lemony Snicket
~ I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids - Trisha Ashworth & Amy Nobile (currently reading)
~ The Purpose Driven Life - Rick Warren (currently reading)
** 10 down 20 more to go **
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
June Happenings....
Wow, Can it be June already?? Where does the time go? Almost another 1/2 a year has gone by and so much has already happened and so much is yet to come :) I am so excited about the future I can hardly contain myself! June will prove to be yet again another busy month. I have many things planned, some way more important than others, but all still worthy enough to make it into my day planner :) Here's a run down of what is to come this month!
Going into the end of the month, Dakota has his surgery on the 21st. We hope this will be his last one, but one never knows with these kinds of things. My grandma will be visiting us to help me out a little bit after Dakota's surgery. My work (previous employer by that time -lol) is also having a fundraiser that week for Dakota. At my request 10% of all the proceeds will go to Gillette Children's Hospital in Dakota's name.
We end the month with finals at school for me. Wow, I am tired just reading all that is going on this month!
My word of the month......
Craziness
Monday, May 23, 2011
Missing my Mama
Words cannot explain how much I am going to miss my mom. I know her and I haven't always gotten along and been the best of friends, but she's still always been my mother, my comfort, my support (in more ways than one), my friend, a part of me. I feel saddened every time I think about having to send her back on a plane to MN and her not being right there next to me, but it's time.
It's time for both of us to grow and live. She will always be near me, because I am a part of her. It's true what they say about turning into your mom. You grow up as a teenager saying, "oh that'll NEVER happen to me" and then one day you wake up and you're 28 and you are more like you mother than you realize. The only difference now is that those little things that make me so much like her I am okay with!
We still have many differences that make each of us unique, but I am starting to enjoy finding those little things that make me just like her. She is a wonderful woman who has helped me out in life no matter what has come up and I may not have always appreciated it as much as I should have, but I do appreciate all that she has done for me. And most importantly I love her more than she knows.
I am not a very emotional person and actually writing this post is a little more tear jerking than I usually am, but if there was one thing I could go back in time and change, it would be simply to find a way to show her how much she has meant to me over the years. Cause even if at the time I was saying I would never be like her, all that matters now is that I am so very proud to call her my mama.
I love you!
We still have many differences that make each of us unique, but I am starting to enjoy finding those little things that make me just like her. She is a wonderful woman who has helped me out in life no matter what has come up and I may not have always appreciated it as much as I should have, but I do appreciate all that she has done for me. And most importantly I love her more than she knows.
I am not a very emotional person and actually writing this post is a little more tear jerking than I usually am, but if there was one thing I could go back in time and change, it would be simply to find a way to show her how much she has meant to me over the years. Cause even if at the time I was saying I would never be like her, all that matters now is that I am so very proud to call her my mama.
I love you!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
We're Moving
To most this is not new news, but for those of you who do not follow me on Facebook, this may come as a shock to you (or maybe not)! If you had asked me seven years ago what I would be doing this summer, the last thing I would have probably said was moving, but alas that is what I will be doing.....and I couldn't be more EXCITED over it!
Don't get me wrong, Minnesota is a great state with many opportunities, but after living here for as long as I have and feeling like I am getting nowhere in life, I wanna go home! With the help of my wonderful boyfriend, Sebastian, on July 10, 2011 we will be leaving for Fort Mill, South Carolina and moving in together.
I have known Sebastian for 14 years and we have stayed friends all through those years. We have been there for each other through tough times, great times, trying times and boring times :) and we plan on spending many more years experiencing life together. For the first time in seven years, I remember what it feels like to be alive!
So, the move is planned for July 10th and hopefully we will be able to make it to SC by the 12th. Mom will be flying down with Dakota a few days later and will be staying to help me get settled a bit (and of course to see old friends)!
I will continue with school at Winthrop University (if I get accepted, of course - lol), but for a while I just plan on staying home and learning to be the best "house-girlfriend" I can be, as well as re-learning my way around and getting comfortable with life there (settle into a routine, if you will).
Each day a little more gets packed and ready to go! I am literally counting down the days ;) Before I know it I will be there, so until then I am soaking up as much time as I can with my mom and just trying to get all my ducks in a row :)
Watch out South Carolina, cause here I come!!!!
Don't get me wrong, Minnesota is a great state with many opportunities, but after living here for as long as I have and feeling like I am getting nowhere in life, I wanna go home! With the help of my wonderful boyfriend, Sebastian, on July 10, 2011 we will be leaving for Fort Mill, South Carolina and moving in together.
I have known Sebastian for 14 years and we have stayed friends all through those years. We have been there for each other through tough times, great times, trying times and boring times :) and we plan on spending many more years experiencing life together. For the first time in seven years, I remember what it feels like to be alive!
So, the move is planned for July 10th and hopefully we will be able to make it to SC by the 12th. Mom will be flying down with Dakota a few days later and will be staying to help me get settled a bit (and of course to see old friends)!
I will continue with school at Winthrop University (if I get accepted, of course - lol), but for a while I just plan on staying home and learning to be the best "house-girlfriend" I can be, as well as re-learning my way around and getting comfortable with life there (settle into a routine, if you will).
Each day a little more gets packed and ready to go! I am literally counting down the days ;) Before I know it I will be there, so until then I am soaking up as much time as I can with my mom and just trying to get all my ducks in a row :)
Watch out South Carolina, cause here I come!!!!
Dakota Update
Dakota had a doctor's appointment about a week ago to check on the progress of his hip. Dakota and I had worked together to try and get more exercises done at home & even though the progress wasn't great, it's still progress. And apparently it's enough, cause Dakota is having surgery on June 21st @ 8 AM to have the three pins and the plate removed. The surgery is a same day procedure so we should be out that same night, but he may have to spend one night, depending on how he recovers.
There are 3 stages to Perthes. Stage 1 is diagnosis and the initial surgery (been there, done that). Usually in stage 1 the blood supply to the bone has already stopped and a lot of the bone is already dead. Stage 2 is where your body absorbs the dead bone & stage 3 is where new bone will reform. The doctor said that we are not quite fully into stage 2, but very close.
After surgery Dakota will have to use his walker for about six weeks (he is NOT happy over that), which just about ruins summer for him (poor kid). Luckily, we have a lot of changes that are occurring over the course of the next few months (see "We're Moving" post) so he should stay busy helping me out around the house.
Anyway, that's all the update I have at this time. Dakota has to go in to see his regular doctor for a pre-op appointment to make sure he is healthy enough for surgery & then we are clear to go! Please keep him in your thoughts & prayers! Thanks :)
There are 3 stages to Perthes. Stage 1 is diagnosis and the initial surgery (been there, done that). Usually in stage 1 the blood supply to the bone has already stopped and a lot of the bone is already dead. Stage 2 is where your body absorbs the dead bone & stage 3 is where new bone will reform. The doctor said that we are not quite fully into stage 2, but very close.
After surgery Dakota will have to use his walker for about six weeks (he is NOT happy over that), which just about ruins summer for him (poor kid). Luckily, we have a lot of changes that are occurring over the course of the next few months (see "We're Moving" post) so he should stay busy helping me out around the house.
Anyway, that's all the update I have at this time. Dakota has to go in to see his regular doctor for a pre-op appointment to make sure he is healthy enough for surgery & then we are clear to go! Please keep him in your thoughts & prayers! Thanks :)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Update on Dakota
Yesterday Friday, March 4th Dakota had another doctor's appointment to have x-rays done and have his hip checked out. I wish I could say I have good news, but alas....I don't.
So instead of progressively moving forward and strengthening his hip, we are moving in reverse. It's getting stiffer and tighter as the days go by. He is just as weak as he was when he had surgery almost 5 months ago. He has been in physical therapy twice a week for the last two months and still, no improvement.
He was required to do his physical therapy exercises at home three times a week. When Dakota was out of surgery and able to move around and the physical therapy started (however many months ago that was - I am loosing track) I didn't have to fight with him to do his exercises at home and I didn't have to continually say, "Dakota do your exercises." over and over and over and over.
Lately, about the last two months to be exact, he gives the physical therapist a hard time and down right gets nasty with me about having to do them. Him and I have both ended up in tears over these silly (but not-so-silly) exercises. I would threaten to take things away and then when he still wouldn't do them, I would follow through and take away whatever it was that I said I was going to take. It didn't seem to matter the next time he was required to either do his physical therapy at home or with the therapist he would fight. It has become a viscous cycle and still no progress has come out of my constant nagging.
The problem with this is that the leg muscles in his right leg (abductor muscles) are extremely tight and therefore it pulls the femur inward which moves the ball joint further out of the socket (see right picture). If it continues to do this, the ball joint will be so far out of the socket again they will probably have to do surgery again. That socket protection is the only thing keeping the ball joint from collapsing. So you can see the importance of not letting it get this far.
The doctor has given Dakota two weeks to turn his attitude around. The doctor said that it is not "your mommy's fault" that this happened to you and that you have to do your exercises. "She loves you and is only trying to help" (maybe if Dakota hears it from someone else he'll believe it cause he sure doesn't believe me when I say it). He is required to do his exercises EVER DAY for the next two week no matter what and if he gives me any trouble then I am to call the doctor.
**If** I have to call the doctor in two weeks the doctor will order the physical therapist to inject a muscle relaxer in his abductor muscle and then put him in this cast called an A-brace (see left picture) and stick him back in a wheel chair for three weeks.
**If** his attitude changes and he does the exercises here at home when I say to and doesn't give me any grief about it then we can continue the physical therapy sessions twice a week and also every other day at home until our follow up appointment in two months.
Dakota will also start going to a child psychologist starting this week due to the loads of emotional stress he has been through. I hope it will help to release or at least figure out a way to cope with some of the anger of not being able to be a "normal" kid! I know it has to be hard for him :(
I will continue to work with him for the next two weeks and we will see how it goes from there. Hopefully I will NOT have to make a phone call to Dr. Sundberg and we won't have to go down the wheelchair road again, but if we do, I am sure God will give me and Dakota the strength to get through it together.
So instead of progressively moving forward and strengthening his hip, we are moving in reverse. It's getting stiffer and tighter as the days go by. He is just as weak as he was when he had surgery almost 5 months ago. He has been in physical therapy twice a week for the last two months and still, no improvement.
He was required to do his physical therapy exercises at home three times a week. When Dakota was out of surgery and able to move around and the physical therapy started (however many months ago that was - I am loosing track) I didn't have to fight with him to do his exercises at home and I didn't have to continually say, "Dakota do your exercises." over and over and over and over.
Lately, about the last two months to be exact, he gives the physical therapist a hard time and down right gets nasty with me about having to do them. Him and I have both ended up in tears over these silly (but not-so-silly) exercises. I would threaten to take things away and then when he still wouldn't do them, I would follow through and take away whatever it was that I said I was going to take. It didn't seem to matter the next time he was required to either do his physical therapy at home or with the therapist he would fight. It has become a viscous cycle and still no progress has come out of my constant nagging.
The problem with this is that the leg muscles in his right leg (abductor muscles) are extremely tight and therefore it pulls the femur inward which moves the ball joint further out of the socket (see right picture). If it continues to do this, the ball joint will be so far out of the socket again they will probably have to do surgery again. That socket protection is the only thing keeping the ball joint from collapsing. So you can see the importance of not letting it get this far. 
**If** I have to call the doctor in two weeks the doctor will order the physical therapist to inject a muscle relaxer in his abductor muscle and then put him in this cast called an A-brace (see left picture) and stick him back in a wheel chair for three weeks.
**If** his attitude changes and he does the exercises here at home when I say to and doesn't give me any grief about it then we can continue the physical therapy sessions twice a week and also every other day at home until our follow up appointment in two months.
Dakota will also start going to a child psychologist starting this week due to the loads of emotional stress he has been through. I hope it will help to release or at least figure out a way to cope with some of the anger of not being able to be a "normal" kid! I know it has to be hard for him :( I will continue to work with him for the next two weeks and we will see how it goes from there. Hopefully I will NOT have to make a phone call to Dr. Sundberg and we won't have to go down the wheelchair road again, but if we do, I am sure God will give me and Dakota the strength to get through it together.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Summing up February...
February seems to have flown by for me....I don't really know why cause it's not like I have done anything super exciting this month, but I can't believe March is just around the corner.
I kicked off the month by celebrating my birthday with my family. It was nice. My parents met up and took me and Dakota out to dinner at Olive Garden (I love the salad) and then we went back to my mom's house for cake, ice cream and presents. It was simple, but I enjoyed every moment of it. It was nice to spend the day I turned 28 with my family.
Dakota continued this whole month to go to physical therapy twice a week. On Tuesdays we have water therapy and on Thursdays we have land therapy. Oh how this is a struggle. Water therapy is a bit more fun then land therapy. Land therapy has brought many tears to Dakota's eyes. I think he is going through some emotional stuff right now with being so limited to activities, he's getting restless. Also, sick and tired of having to do his leg exercises which are SO important for his future strength. I end up being the bad guy by nagging him to do his exercises. I hate being the bad guy all the time. Dakota seems to act like I am a huge pain in his ass because of it. Things are changing with him. Some I am sure is because of the Perthes and all he has gone through in the last six months, but some of it I think may just be him getting older and growing up. He is slowly pulling away from me in a lot of ways. I am glad, but it mainly makes me sad.
I was lucky enough to have a friend of mine buy tickets for my birthday to go see Jeff Dunham live at the Target Center on February 13th. It was an amazing show and I liked all of it up until about the last 15 minutes when Jeff brought out a new puppet. I don't like the new puppet so much, but hey Peanut and Walter are the bomb :) I am glad I got to see him live. I bought Peanut shirts for me, my mom and Dakota. They loved them!
I spent Valentine's Day with Dakota. He is the love of my life so this year I decided that Valentine's Day didn't need to just be about a spouse or a bf/gf.....it could be about anyone you love and care about. I took Dakota out to dinner and then to the bookstore where he got this dragon paint kit (it's very cool). Then we went shopping to get him some new jeans because the kid has grown like a weed. He was prepared for a flood, that's for sure.
I continue to go to school, but things are tough for me right now and one of the classes requires that you dig into your life and reflect on things and I am really just not in the right place to do that. Things have been so crazy for me the last few years, I am just now trying to figure out how to deal with all that has happened in my life and find a way to let go and move on. I am doing the best I can right now with school, I am not able to put 110% into it this term, but I am learning to not be so hard on myself and that as long as I do the best I can, I am ok.
My car has had nothing but trouble last month and now again this month. I am driving a rental right now. A Nissan Versa. It's not a bad car, but I am used to being in a SUV. I feel like Fred Flintstone preparing for the foot acceleration.....it's just really low to the ground is all. My car should be fixed by the end of next week. So hopefully I will welcome March with my own set of wheels again. And hopefully this will be the last time my transmission needs fixing!
I kicked off the month by celebrating my birthday with my family. It was nice. My parents met up and took me and Dakota out to dinner at Olive Garden (I love the salad) and then we went back to my mom's house for cake, ice cream and presents. It was simple, but I enjoyed every moment of it. It was nice to spend the day I turned 28 with my family.
Dakota continued this whole month to go to physical therapy twice a week. On Tuesdays we have water therapy and on Thursdays we have land therapy. Oh how this is a struggle. Water therapy is a bit more fun then land therapy. Land therapy has brought many tears to Dakota's eyes. I think he is going through some emotional stuff right now with being so limited to activities, he's getting restless. Also, sick and tired of having to do his leg exercises which are SO important for his future strength. I end up being the bad guy by nagging him to do his exercises. I hate being the bad guy all the time. Dakota seems to act like I am a huge pain in his ass because of it. Things are changing with him. Some I am sure is because of the Perthes and all he has gone through in the last six months, but some of it I think may just be him getting older and growing up. He is slowly pulling away from me in a lot of ways. I am glad, but it mainly makes me sad.
I was lucky enough to have a friend of mine buy tickets for my birthday to go see Jeff Dunham live at the Target Center on February 13th. It was an amazing show and I liked all of it up until about the last 15 minutes when Jeff brought out a new puppet. I don't like the new puppet so much, but hey Peanut and Walter are the bomb :) I am glad I got to see him live. I bought Peanut shirts for me, my mom and Dakota. They loved them!
I spent Valentine's Day with Dakota. He is the love of my life so this year I decided that Valentine's Day didn't need to just be about a spouse or a bf/gf.....it could be about anyone you love and care about. I took Dakota out to dinner and then to the bookstore where he got this dragon paint kit (it's very cool). Then we went shopping to get him some new jeans because the kid has grown like a weed. He was prepared for a flood, that's for sure.
I continue to go to school, but things are tough for me right now and one of the classes requires that you dig into your life and reflect on things and I am really just not in the right place to do that. Things have been so crazy for me the last few years, I am just now trying to figure out how to deal with all that has happened in my life and find a way to let go and move on. I am doing the best I can right now with school, I am not able to put 110% into it this term, but I am learning to not be so hard on myself and that as long as I do the best I can, I am ok.
My car has had nothing but trouble last month and now again this month. I am driving a rental right now. A Nissan Versa. It's not a bad car, but I am used to being in a SUV. I feel like Fred Flintstone preparing for the foot acceleration.....it's just really low to the ground is all. My car should be fixed by the end of next week. So hopefully I will welcome March with my own set of wheels again. And hopefully this will be the last time my transmission needs fixing!
Oreo is now almost 11 months old and got neutered this month, so no babies for him! He continues to be a wonderful addition to our family. My mom says I treat him more like a child than a dog and I suppose I do, but I am okay with that. He follows me around and cuddles with me and gives me lots of kisses. I told my mom that I didn't need a man in my life because I have a wonderful child and my very dedicated puppy. For now that is all I need!
Most recently I have experienced the joys (huge exaggeration) of having a concussion. On Thursday night after I had picked Oreo up from having his surgery, I was getting ready for bed and thought since it was hard for Oreo to get up and down the stairs that I would carry him down to bed. I slipped on the first step (I think I may have over stepped and caught the edge of the stair) and fell down all seven steps with with 20 pound dog in my arms. Don't worry the dog is fine, I put him down and he started wagging his tail. Big fun for him. After not being able to move for a good couple minutes, my mother who had come running to help me, helped me up. I didn't feel any initial pain until the middle of the night. I got a slight headache during the night and woke up a few times because of it, but just thought that since I had hit my head really hard on the stairs I shouldn't be surprised to have a headache. When I woke up the next day I still had the headache and continued to have it all day. I took headache medicine, which didn't help at all, and then when the pain started to get worse I decided it was time to go in to the clinic. The doctor took x-rays of my spine since I not only hit my head but slide down every step on my back. Luckily there wasn't any slipped discs or fractures. I do however have a concussion. I was given a shot in my butt at the clinic to help with the pain in my neck and head and about an hour or so later almost all my pain was gone. I have continued to take OTC pain medicine and have tried to take it easy, but haven't gotten much rest. I know I need to in order for my body to heal itself, but there is so much stuff to be done around the house, it's hard to just sleep in the middle of the day!
So summing up my month, I would have to say in one word......overwhelming!
A quick peek at next month:
~ Dakota has a doctor's appointment in the beginning of the month for more x-rays and more instructions.
~Dakota also turns nine years old in the beginning of the month (I can't believe my baby is almost 9 - how crazy is that)
~ And I finish up with classes for this term and also sign up for new classes for next term
Stay posted for Summing up March ;)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Quick Dakota Update
Just a quick note ~
Dakota had physical therapy today and he has been given the okay to walk totally on his own at all times. No more walker or crutches anymore. We are done with ALL of the aids :) We still have physical therapy two times a week for the next couple months, but we are moving forward. Talk about PROGRESS!!!!
Go Dakota ;)
Saturday, January 15, 2011
My New Year's Resolutions for 2011
So last year my only New Year's Resolution was to read the 50 books I had on my "must read" list...and guess what......I only read 12 that were on my list. That's awful :( So this year I have decided to keep the book list on my New Year's Resolution list, but I am also adding a lot of other things to it as well.
Here is my rough draft of a list (they are in no particular order) - I will bold the ones I have completed or feel that I have satisfied:
1. Read 30 books that are on my "must read" list (See my "Book List for 2011" post for progress)
2. Find a better job - Check
3. Take at least one vacation with Dakota this year
4. Get financially stable again
5. Pay off all my debts (my car & the 4 people I owe money to)
6. Join a Fibromyalgia support group & attend as many monthly meetings as possible
7. Attend church more
Here's to a new & better year - - - bring on 2011!!!!!!
Here is my rough draft of a list (they are in no particular order) - I will bold the ones I have completed or feel that I have satisfied:
1. Read 30 books that are on my "must read" list (See my "Book List for 2011" post for progress)
2. Find a better job - Check
3. Take at least one vacation with Dakota this year
4. Get financially stable again
5. Pay off all my debts (my car & the 4 people I owe money to)
6. Join a Fibromyalgia support group & attend as many monthly meetings as possible
7. Attend church more
Here's to a new & better year - - - bring on 2011!!!!!!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Another Update on Dakota
Well, we had another doctor's appointment & had another set of x-rays done. All is looking okay for now. The ball joint has started to deteriorate & the doctor estimates that by August/September of this year Dakota will be able to under-go the 2nd surgery for removal of the plate & pins which are holding the bone in place currently.
He has been reprimanded for giving his mommy here a hard time not wanting to do his physical therapy exercises at home & so now we have to go to physical therapy twice a week instead of only once. They are wanting him to gain more strength in the outer muscles of his leg to minimize the limp he has going on right now. The doctor says that he will forever have a limp, but that getting it stronger now, will greatly reduce how much of a limp he has later on in life. I keep on harping at him to do the exercises & he continues to give me dirty looks & not do them because "they hurt". I feel bad for him, but at the same time I know I have to keep pushing him.
Once our physical therapist feels he has the strength that he needs in his leg, we will be getting rid of the walker completely. Currently it is still being used part-time in school & if him & I go out shopping or something (due to snow & ice). We have another appointment in March to see how things are progressing again. Until then, physical therapy twice a week & home exercises have been prescribed.
Will keep all informed as best I can....thanks for all the continued support!
He has been reprimanded for giving his mommy here a hard time not wanting to do his physical therapy exercises at home & so now we have to go to physical therapy twice a week instead of only once. They are wanting him to gain more strength in the outer muscles of his leg to minimize the limp he has going on right now. The doctor says that he will forever have a limp, but that getting it stronger now, will greatly reduce how much of a limp he has later on in life. I keep on harping at him to do the exercises & he continues to give me dirty looks & not do them because "they hurt". I feel bad for him, but at the same time I know I have to keep pushing him.
Once our physical therapist feels he has the strength that he needs in his leg, we will be getting rid of the walker completely. Currently it is still being used part-time in school & if him & I go out shopping or something (due to snow & ice). We have another appointment in March to see how things are progressing again. Until then, physical therapy twice a week & home exercises have been prescribed.
Will keep all informed as best I can....thanks for all the continued support!
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