Starting Over....

What does "starting over" mean exactly? What do I want? Do I really want to do it?  Can I even do it?  Do I stay or do I go?  How long do I stay before I decide to go?  Who are my true friends?  Can I really trust anyone?

All these questions keep running through my head every day!  This is not a post about the details regarding the break -up between me and Sabby, I will not talk about it anymore to anyone!  I have now been here a total of 2 months, 1 week, and 5 days and what have I accomplished since I got here?  I have moved in, moved out, moved in somewhere else, lost a "best friend" who stabbed me in the back, and am tryin' my hardest to just keep it together day by day and not fall apart.  Will my life EVER get back on track?

I now have some decisions to make....and I feel like my head is buzzing with things and I can't focus on just one!  Why did God bring me back here, if this is what life would be about?  What is my reason for being here?  How am I supposed to know what to do and what direction to go?  Will He guide me or am I as alone as I feel?   Do I really want to go back to MN?  Would it even be fair to myself to not give SC a chance?

Ugh!  I can't answer a single one of these questions and I really can't stand not having the answers.  As I try and figure things out slowly, I will try and put my faith and trust in God and give my problems to Him.  As He is truly the only one that knows what is best for me and for Dakota and if these are the cards that I have been dealt, then all I can do is use what I got!

But oh my is that hard to do!

How Did My Mother Do It?

All those years growing up, she planted flowers and bushes and grew gardens.  She not only did that but she managed to keep everything alive and looking great!  I realized today just how freakin' hard it is to take care of things in your yard!

I had planned for the bushes in the front of the house to just get a quick trim.  Two hours later I was finally done! Eight bushes and a few plants that needed maintaining and then I had to clean all my mess up, ugh!  Granted now this was the first time I attempted to make the front yard pretty, but overall I think I did a good job, but man am I tired.  Oh and in the process of doing all this work, we have a baby snake, a black widow & a very large wolf spider living in our landscaping.  How do I know this?  I saw all three this morning!

My mom deserves so much credit that I never gave her for maintaining that HUGE yard I had as a child growing up.  It is really hard work!  Anyway, this is the final outcome:

What do you think?

My Book List for 2011 - update!

My Goal is 30 for the year:

Here we go:

~ The Lady in the Tower (The Fall of Anne Boleyn) - Alison Weir


~ The House - Danielle Steel 


~ Lost Voices from the Titanic - Nick Barratt


~ A Child Called "It" - Dave Pelzer


~ Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston


~ A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 1 (The Bad Beginning) - Lemony Snicket


~ A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 2 (The Reptile Room) - Lemony Snicket


~ A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 3 (The Wide Window) - Lemony Snicket

~ I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids - Trisha Ashworth & Amy Nobile (currently reading)


~ The Purpose Driven Life - Rick Warren (currently reading)




** 10 down 20 more to go ** 

June Happenings....

Wow, Can it be June already??  Where does the time go?  Almost another 1/2 a year has gone by and so much has already happened and so much is yet to come :)  I am so excited about the future I can hardly contain myself!  June will prove to be yet again another busy month.  I have many things planned, some way more important than others, but all still worthy enough to make it into my day planner :)  Here's a run down of what is to come this month!

Right away at the beginning of the month, my boyfriend gets to celebrate his birthday ~:)  Happy Birthday Baby. I hate that you are in Germany right now and that we can't spend it together, but I take comfort in knowing that there will be many more that we will spend together!  I will also get to take part in one of my son's school activities....bring on the mess, we are going to work on our own paper mache pigs!  Dakota's last day of school is on the 9th.  Summer Vacation Begins, oh Joy!  The 11th then marks the 1/2 way mark till I move.  Whew!  It sure is flying by.

The third week of June is busy, busy, busy!  Dakota has all his regular appointments, PLUS we add two more to the list as we prepare for his surgery.  I too have a pretty important appointment that week.  For a while now I have had this spot on one of my breasts and I have decided that it's better to be safe than sorry, so I am going in to have it looked at.  If they decide to remove it, it will be the second spot I will have had removed on that same breast!  Pray that it's nothing, just like the last one!  On the 18th my boyfriend is flying in to spend a week with me ~ SUPER excited about that :)  Oh and it's my last week of work.  You know the move is getting close when you stop working!

Going into the end of the month, Dakota has his surgery on the 21st.  We hope this will be his last one, but one never knows with these kinds of things.  My grandma will be visiting us to help me out a little bit after Dakota's surgery.  My work (previous employer by that time -lol) is also having a fundraiser that week for Dakota.  At my request 10% of all the proceeds will go to Gillette Children's Hospital in Dakota's name.

We end the month with finals at school for me.  Wow, I am tired just reading all that is going on this month!

My word of the month......

Craziness

Missing my Mama

Words cannot explain how much I am going to miss my mom.  I know her and I haven't always gotten along and been the best of friends, but she's still always been my mother, my comfort, my support (in more ways than one), my friend, a part of me.  I feel saddened every time I think about having to send her back on a plane to MN and her not being right there next to me, but it's time.  

It's time for both of us to grow and live.  She will always be near me, because I am a part of her.  It's true what they say about turning into your mom.  You grow up as a teenager saying, "oh that'll NEVER happen to me"  and then one day you wake up and you're 28 and you are more like you mother than you realize.  The only difference now is that those little things that make me so much like her I am okay with!

We still have many differences that make each of us unique, but I am starting to enjoy finding those little things that make me just like her.  She is a wonderful woman who has helped me out in life no matter what has come up and I may not have always appreciated it as much as I should have, but I do appreciate all that she has done for me.  And most importantly I love her more than she knows.

I am not a very emotional person and actually writing this post is a little more tear jerking than I usually am, but if there was one thing I could go back in time and change, it would be simply to find a way to show her how much she has meant to me over the years.  Cause even if at the time I was saying I would never be like her, all that matters now is that I am so very proud to call her my mama.

I love you!

We're Moving

To most this is not new news, but for those of you who do not follow me on Facebook, this may come as a shock to you (or maybe not)!  If you had asked me seven years ago what I would be doing this summer, the last thing I would have probably said was moving, but alas that is what I will be doing.....and I couldn't be more EXCITED over it!

Don't get me wrong, Minnesota is a great state with many opportunities, but after living here for as long as I have and feeling like I am getting nowhere in life, I wanna go home!  With the help of my wonderful boyfriend, Sebastian, on July 10, 2011 we will be leaving for Fort Mill, South Carolina and moving in together.

I have known Sebastian for 14 years and we have stayed friends all through those years.  We have been there for each other through tough times, great times, trying times and boring times :)  and we plan on spending many more years experiencing life together.  For the first time in seven years, I remember what it feels like to be alive!

So, the move is planned for July 10th and hopefully we will be able to make it to SC by the 12th.  Mom will be flying down with Dakota a few days later and will be staying to help me get settled a bit (and of course to see old friends)!

I will continue with school at Winthrop University (if I get accepted, of course - lol), but for a while I just plan on staying home and learning to be the best "house-girlfriend" I can be, as well as re-learning my way around and getting comfortable with life there (settle into a routine, if you will).

Each day a little more gets packed and ready to go!  I am literally counting down the days ;)  Before I know it I will be there, so until then I am soaking up as much time as I can with my mom and just trying to get all my ducks in a row :)

Watch out South Carolina, cause here I come!!!!

Dakota Update

Dakota had a doctor's appointment about a week ago to check on the progress of his hip.  Dakota and I had worked together to try and get more exercises done at home & even though the progress wasn't great, it's still progress.  And apparently it's enough, cause Dakota is having surgery on June 21st @ 8 AM to have the three pins and the plate removed.  The surgery is a same day procedure so we should be out that same night, but he may have to spend one night, depending on how he recovers.

There are 3 stages to Perthes.  Stage 1 is diagnosis and the initial surgery (been there, done that).  Usually in stage 1 the blood supply to the bone has already stopped and a lot of the bone is already dead.  Stage 2 is where your body absorbs the dead bone & stage 3 is where new bone will reform.  The doctor said that we are not quite fully into stage 2, but very close.

After surgery Dakota will have to use his walker for about six weeks (he is NOT happy over that), which just about ruins summer for him (poor kid).  Luckily, we have a lot of changes that are occurring over the course of the next few months (see "We're Moving" post) so he should stay busy helping me out around the house.

Anyway, that's all the update I have at this time.  Dakota has to go in to see his regular doctor for a pre-op appointment to make sure he is healthy enough for surgery & then we are clear to go!  Please keep him in your thoughts & prayers!  Thanks :)