September 2012

I used to do this thing where at the end of every month I would write about the month, things that had happened, ideas, thoughts, yada, yada, yada....you get the point!  Well for whatever reason (life), I stopped doing it & have decided that it's been long enough & well, I'm gonna do it again.

The kiddo went back to school this month!  5th grade, WoW!  Nobody really can prepare you for how fast they grow up!  I mean I know people tell you to cherish the time you have with them while they are young, but I didn't know I was actually supposed to take the advice, geez!  It's had it's up's and down's already and well, let's just say that I am a mommy on a mission right now with some things I have brought to his teacher's attention!

I think this has been the busiest school year so far.  He is involved in what seems to be EVERYTHING!  LEGO Club, band, Guys Read Club, Kindness Club and that doesn't include any sports the kiddo may want to pick up along the way.  It's sad to say, and this is how I am going to end my "Back To School" section.....but, he has more of a social life than I do, lol....who'd a thunk it!

After many, many years of pain & heartache, I decided to have a total hysterectomy.  Back in April of this year my doctor and I had decided it was the best thing since I had been through 5 other surgeries, countless medications & drug therapies....nothing worked!  It was time to face the inevitable.  So, I got all emotionally, mentally prepared and my insurance threw a 1st class fit about covering it.  So, I had my doctor's office fax over an insane amount of paperwork on my "case" and they decided that even though I had gone through eight years of crap with endometriosis and chronic pelvic pain, they weren't done putting me through more!  So I ended up on another drug therapy which was horrible to my body and after three months I just couldn't take it anymore, so I talked to my doctor and we petitioned again!  This time however, they didn't put up a fuss and it went through.  So I had my surgery on September 13th.

I had what is called a laparoscopically-assisted vaginal hysterectomy or LAVH for short.  Hospital stays and recovery times are usually shorter for this type of hysterectomy.  If you want to read the gory details please visit the link provided: http://www.atlasofpelvicsurgery.com/5Uterus/11Laparoscopy-AssistedVaginalHysterectomy/chap5sec11.html

Long story short....the surgery was successful and I got to go home after spending two days & one night in the hospital eating nothing but Jello (yuck) & having the most difficult time peeing!  After that, I was able to recover at home, which was nice.  At first it felt like a semi had run me over, but it's been just over four weeks & now feels like a pick-up truck hit me instead.  Total recovery time is between 8-12 weeks before I will start to feel like myself again and before I am allowed to start working out!

Speaking of working out.....after I am allowed to start that up again, I hope to slowly get back into yoga.  My goal is to either stay at my current weight or even loose another 5-7 pounds, but I won't be able to start that until around Christmas time, so until then, I just read, read, read.
Gotta try and meet my yearly reading goal for once :)

So that is it for September!  Hope everyone is enjoying the change of season, pumpkin latte's, bonfires, falling leaves, crisp air, & cuddling with a blanket by the fireplace!  See you in October.

Going Back

As most of you know already, I have made the choice to move back to Minnesota.  This was not an easy choice, but one that I feel is best for me and Dakota.  There are many, many reasons why I made this choice, but only two that I took into great consideration.....Dakota is not happy here!

Dakota misses his Gigi & Grandpa very much & has many friends in MN that he will be able to play in the neighborhood with.  What I didn't realize is just how many friendships both him and I had made while we where there.  I also miss my mom & dad.  If going back to MN is what is going to make Dakota happy then I am more than willing to put my dreams aside for the time being. 

Another important reason I am leaving is because I have yet to find a job here.  I have applied for many openings and gotten a decent amount of interviews as well, but alas nothing seemed to stick.  I have already aquired a job in MN when I get back, so already things there are looking up :)

We have been here now for five months and have been through so much!  I have lost a couple friends along the way.  One loss over a someone I thought had my best interests in mind, but found that she was just another one of those back stabbing women who likes nothing more than to stick her nose in other people's drama (even though she has plenty of her own drama under the roof of her own home & with her own family) & another over an issue that wasn't handled correctly or considerately by her & was more or less her deciding not to have me as a friend anymore without my knowledge (I found out later on), but am grateful for the losses because I have learned that I don't need the extra drama or the stress of being a certain kind of friend to one friend & a different kind of friend to another based on their needs.  I am who I am, deal with it!  More importantly I have made a ton of new friends in the process, which I am also grateful for.  I have learned/realized (you will hear that word being used a lot in this post) many things along my journey here and have grown so much as a person.

I am going back to MN with a new attitude.  When I moved to MN the first time back in 2004 I didn't want to leave what I had known all my life in NC.  I got there and I hated it, but what I realize now as I prepare to go back, is that I didn't mind it so much after all.  Yes the weather gets frightfully cold at times & yes the beach isn't 3 hours away, but it too has it's good qualities. 

I am young enough that later on in life I can live my dream.  And what I realized is that living in Charlotte is not my dream.  I don't miss Charlotte!  What I missed was the beach & I will continue to miss it while living in MN, but I can always go back and visit until one day I am able to live there! :) 

I am grateful that God granted me the opportunity to come back to NC and revisit some old places and see many old friends, but I am also grateful to God that he has made me realize that this is not the path I am meant to be on right now. 

I made a choice to take a chance on something which brought me down here & I now have made a choice to go back & I am okay with my decision!

What Drives Your Life? (part 2)

"There are 5 great benefits of living a purpose-driven life:"

- "Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life.  We were made to have meaning.  Without God, life has no purpose, and without purpose, life has no meaning.  Without meaning, life has no significance or hope."
"God says, "I know what I am planning for you....'I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you.  I will give you hope and a good future."  


- "Knowing your purpose simplifies your life.  It defines what you do and what you don't do.  Without clear purpose you have no foundation on which you base decisions, allocate your time, and use your resources.  You will tend to make choices based on circumstances, pressures, and your mood at that moment.  People who don't know their purpose try to do too much - and that causes stress, fatigue, and conflict."

-  "Knowing your purpose focuses your life.  It concentrates your effort and energy on what's important.  You become effective by being selective.  Without a clear purpose, you will keep changing directions, jobs, relationships, churches, or other externals - hoping each change will settle the confusion or fill the emptiness in your heart."

- "Knowing your purpose motivates your life.  Purpose always produces passion.  Nothing energizes like a clear purpose."

-  "Knowing your purpose prepares you for eternity.  Many people spend their lives trying to create a lasting legacy on earth.  They want to be remembered why they're gone.  Yet, what ultimately matters most will not be what others say about your life but what God says.  What people fail to realize is that all achievements are eventually surpassed, records are broken, reputations fade, and tributes are forgotten.  Living to create an earthly legacy is a short-sighted goal.  A wiser use of time is to build an eternal legacy."

"One day you will stand before God, and he will do an audit of your life, a final exam, before you enter eternity.  God will ask you two crucial questions:"

"What did you do with my Son, Jesus Christ?  God won't ask about your religious background or doctrinal views.  The only thing that will matter is, did you accept what Jesus did for you and did you learn to love and trust him?"

"What did you do with what I gave you?  What did you do with your life - all the gifts, talents, opportunities, energy, relationships, and resources God gave you?  Did you spend them on yourself, or did you use them for the purposes God made you for?"

Point to Ponder:  Living on purpose is the path to peace.

Verse to Remember:  "You LORD, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you."  Isaiah 26:3 (TEV)"

Question to Consider:  What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life?  What do I want it do be?

Everything you just read came from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

What Drives Your Life? (part 1)

"Everyone's life is driven by something."

"What is the driving force in your life?"

"Many people are driven by guilt.  They spend their entire lives running from regrets and hiding their shame.  Guilt-driven people are manipulated by memories.  They allow their past to control their future.  They often unconsciously punish themselves sabotaging their own success."

"Many people are driven by resentment and anger.  They hold on to hurts and never get over them.  Instead of releasing their pain through forgiveness, they rehearse it over and over in their minds.  Some resentment-driven people "clam up" and internalize their anger, while others "blow up" and explode it onto others."

"Many people are driven by fear.  Their fears may be a result of a traumatic experience, unrealistic expectations, growing up in a high-control home, or even genetic predisposition.  Regardless of the cause, fear-driven people often miss great opportunities because they're afraid to venture out.  Instead they play it safe, avoiding risks and trying to maintain the status quo."

"Many people are driven by materialism.  Their desire to acquire becomes the whole goal of their lives.  This drive to always want more is based on the misconceptions that having more will make me more happy, more important, and more secure, but all three ideas are untrue.  Possessions only provide temporary happiness.  Because things do not change, we eventually become bored with them and then want newer, bigger, better versions."

"Many people are driven by the need for approval.  They allow the expectations of parents or spouses or children or teachers or friends to control their lives.  Many adults are still trying to earn the approval of unpleasable parents.  Others are driven by peer pressure, always worried by what others might think.  Unfortunately, those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it."

Everything you just read came from: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

Poem by Russel Kelfer

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

Torn...

I am so torn over what to do!  I have a pro/con list that doesn't seem to be helping me make a decision on whether or not to stay in SC or to just go back to MN.  There is no easy answer.  I have been praying that the right choice will just come to me, but so far I don't get that one way is better than the other.  It would be easier to move back to MN.  Plus I would have my family, but I was never happy there.  Seven years & I still didn't like it.  Now I am realizing that over all it wasn't totally bad.  But at the same time, is it welcoming enough to move back?  See, torn.....

Remember that tv show Gumby?  Remember how his body could be stretched and twisted and pulled in all kinds of directions.  That is how I feel right now.  Being pulled one way by one arm, and the other way by the other arm.  Ahhhhhh!

It's also more complicated because there are things here that could add so much to my life.  People that could brighten it and make things complete for me as well as for them (potentially).  I don't want to leave that yet without having given it the time that I think it deserves.  The time that him and I deserve to learn and see what happens together.  After 17 years of knowing him, I think I owe myself (and him) that much at least.

I honestly don't know what to do still.....I suppose I just need to give it a little more time.  Enjoy the time I have with the people who are honest, true and humble here and see what happens.  It's so hard to give it all to God and try not to worry about it.  I suppose the outcome is what it is, if I have a job in 3/4 weeks then I can stay if not then I go back.

But I am so torn, cause I really am not sure that going back to MN is the thing for me to do!

     Torn, torn, torn.......

You Are Not an Accident

"Your life is no fluke of nature."

"The Bible says, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe.  Every day was recorded in your book!"

"While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children."

"But there is a God who made you for a reason, and your life has profound meaning!  We discover that meaning and purpose only when we make God the reference point of our lives."

"The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us."


Point to ponder:  I am not an accident.

Verse to Remember:  "I am your Creator.  You were in my care even before you were born."  Isaiah 44:2 (CEV)

Question to Consider:  I know that God uniquely created me.  What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

Everything you just read is from:  The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren